Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Ode to Weasel Momma

Today, over at World of Weasels, WeaselMomma posted "Stupid Thoughts." Anyone that knows me will probably use the term "sarcastic" at least once to describe me. It is generally assumed that I am being sarcastic, which has it's drawbacks when you are actually being serious.

Stupid Thoughts was a series of questions that just BEGGED for answers. I'm a sucker for these open question posts and have done this on several blogs when I've spotted them. I hate to see a question go unanswered...just seems wrong to me :-)

WeaselMomma suggested that I share with the millions um thousands crap dozens all of you the responses and questions I did. I'd love to hear how you answer these questions, or better yet...critique my answers. I think I hit some of them out of the park...or at least made sure they didn't go unanswered.

1. How come Puerto Rico won't vote in favor or statehood, but California won't secceed (no offense to Mike or BusyDad)?
Puerto Rico is on to something
2. Why does my entering a checkout line prompt the person in front of me to write a check?
Start wearing aluminum foil helmets. Protects from death rays, eavesdropping governments and causes people to "get it done"
3. If Ella Fitzgerald married Alan Funt, she would have been Ella Funt(sound it out people).
4. Why does buckling a car seat immediately give small children the urge to use the bathroom?
Why is it when you go to movie, ceremony, church thing that has a hard start and you get there early, no one has to go but as soon as the event starts, there is a tug...
5. Why is it that every time I find a really great style of jeans, the manufacturer discontinues them?
The universe is out to get you. Just learn to deal with it.
6. Why is it that you start feeling better just a soon as you make an appointment to see the doctor?
Start wearing an aluminum foil helmet. Trust me.
7. Why does the weather always seem to turn lousy every time I have a day of errand running to do?
See answer to 5.
8. Why do we as a country sink so much more money into Alzheimer's research that we do SIDS research?
Old people vote in huge numbers. Babies and their parents do not.
9. Why does advertising for cat food served in fine crystal work? They are cats. They will dig for rotten fish in the garbage. They don't have extremely discerning pallets.
Why do people spend money on fancy beds for their cats? Dress them to look like little people? Feed them? I don't like cats. Remind me of rats.
10. How come the greater a man's IQ, the less likely he is to be able to dress himself?
Futility of vanity. I dress poorly. Must mean I'm smart ;-)
11. Why can young boys memorize every pokemon and their abilities/stats, but not remember anything they did in school?
Because they were playing with the Pokeman thing all day. Geez.
12. Why does it always rain after I water the grass? Or wash the car?
Again, see answer 5.
13. Last but not least, why are you still reading this lame wad list? You know you have better things to do with your time. That said I love all my readers for sticking it through to the bottom, especially with posts like this. I wish you all a beer.
I like beer. Saturday night was a little rough, but I got done what I needed to. The Mrs wanted me to get rid of all the stray beer. Dumping it out was suggested. The one thing I remember from college? Dumping out beer is alcohol abuse. Nuff said

Those are my answers. Like I said, I love answering questions. Think you can stump me? You think this smart ass can't come up with a funny answer to one of life's greatest mysteries...go ahead...try me. Who knows. You might just be able to ask me a question whose answer is not 42...but I doubt it ;-)


dmarks said...

Great set of ponderables.